To the Lighthouse #6

In the opening sections of the third part of To the Lighthouse, Lily struggles to give Mr. Ramsay what he desires. Throughout this section of the novel, Lily desperately tries to avoid Mr. Ramsay because he expects her to provide him with sympathy. When Mr. Ramsay seeks sympathy from Lily, she attempts to change the topic of conversation and talks about the lighthouse. As an internal response, Mr. Ramsay thinks, "Why [...] should she look at the sea when I am here? [...] The Lighthouse! The Lighthouse! What's that got to do with it?" (155). Mr. Ramsay is annoyed that Lily is not giving him what he wants. He is setting her up to easily provide him with the sympathy that he desires but Lily will not cooperate. He is selfish in his quest for sympathy, which is why he is irritated that Lily wants to talk about a topic other than him.

After Mr. Ramsay realizes that Lily will not accept his subtle hints to give him sympathy, he begins to dramatize his pain. He talks about how painful it is going to be to go to the Lighthouse because of his wife's previous involvement with the Lighthouse. Instead of giving Mr. Ramsay what he wants, Lily compliments Mr. Ramsay on his shoes: "What beautiful boots!" (157). Although Lily understands that it would be easier to give Mr. Ramsay sympathy, she cannot bring herself to give him what he wants. To her surprise, Mr. Ramsay is thrilled by her comment about his boots and it becomes clear that Mr. Ramsay enjoys talking about himself. He needs sympathy because a sympathetic conversation revolves around him. Lily realizes that Mr. Ramsay is so desperate for sympathy because he no longer has Mrs. Ramsay to provide it for him. Additionally, Mrs. Ramsay is no longer alive for Mr. Ramsay to talk about himself to.